It’s not a hairclip, it’s an article of faith. I’ve decided that not telling you is worse than lying, and so now that I’ve been through my confirmation and all, I think you need to know that I’m a Discordian. Old Discordian specifically, the kind from before the stone-shattering. I always have been, but I was afraid of what you’d say if you’d found out, so I didn’t mention it.
I’m sorry I lied to you.
I… ah… I appreciate you being honest with me, CK. I… need some time to think about this. Please don’t take this the wrong way, just I…
… I hope you’re sure about this.
Certainty isn’t something I try to hold onto. Is there something else going on, normally you ought to have protested this, tried to… never mind. I came here to help you and I still intend to, so get your hat and scarf, we’re going out for a walk. There’s something I want to show you.
… I can’t. I have too much to think about and a distraction isn’t a good idea right now. This news, and, well, something seems to be troubling Mr. Librarian. Something… something happened and I scared him away somehow, but I don’t think it was me. I think something’s wrong.
And, well… I… I don’t know. You’re my friend, but… I don’t know if I’m okay with you going down that path. Mama always said Discordians were bad people, and, well, I’ve never seen any differently.
Have you always been one? Why now? Is it because you thought I saw some good in Discord? Because he tricked me. He put me into a trance, and I had horrible visions, frightening visions. Would a good being do such a thing?
You won’t do Mr Librarian any good waiting here and worrying yourself, now come along. You’ll be glad you did. Whatever’s wrong he’s obviously run off to read about it in his bookshop, and that takes him ages so you’re not going to get any answers for a while. You have time to go out for a walk, and a distraction is exactly what you need right now.
I can’t say much about your mother, Grandfather said to stay out of her way and I always have, but she’s right in a way. Discordians are never ‘good people,’ good people like to decide how things should be and how everypony should behave. Discordians interfere and get in the way and above all don’t let anypony lie to themselves. Grandfather could explain it properly, I’m not really qualified to teach others like he is, but if you really want to hear about us then I’ll try.
Discord isn’t kind or safe and will never give you what you want, you’ve heard me call him the cruel teacher, I say that because that’s what I was taught he did. You lost a lot and it hurt terribly but you still found the courage to tell Mr Librarian how you feel which is what you really wanted after all. In a way, that’s what I’ve been doing in the forest all this time. Learning about myself, being forced to be honest about how I feel and what I think, it was very frightening.
You’re so full of hate for Discordians, Faith, if you could see how angry with us you are then I think you’d be horrified. You’re such a kind pony and you’ve always been nice to me even when I messed up, but… if you met somepony who truly believed that Celestians are evil manipulators, power-hungry controlling maniacs that either twist the world to fit their fanatically virtuous demands or cast it out utterly, if they told you of all the ways Equestria has been harmed by your faith and refused to see the ways you’ve helped others, wouldn’t that be horrible?
You’ve known me for so long, and all that’s new about me is that I’ve told you something that was always there. I am not going to be something else, I never was, so am I a monster now? If you look at me now am I everything you’ve ever been made to hate, or am I somepony with a different view on life that you don’t really understand?
Chaos is a lot of bad things, it’s disappointment and calamity and ruination. It’s also inspiration, providence and understanding. One spin of a casino wheel could leave you in poverty or could give you more money than you could ever spend. New Discordians love the thrill of winning and losing, staking everything on a roll of the dice, and that’s how they live their life. Old Discordians seek understanding though experience, whereas Celestians have their inner strength and Lunatics have their studies, Discordians experience through trial and error. We make mistakes and learn from them, we’re the lateral viewpoint to a situation, the outsider’s perspective on a challenge. Mostly we try to make sure ponies around us aren’t too dependent on the world Celestia created when she bound up Discord in stone.
Now get your things and come on outside, it’s a lovely evening and you need to see this.
… I guess a walk couldn’t hurt. I’m sorry. I still need time to think… But I can think on my hooves. And… and I guess aloud, if you’re okay with it.
… but please don’t think I hate you. I just… I guess you understand already. That this is a challenge to all I was brought up to believe. But, well… you’re saying a lot more than my parents ever did. Mama never really gave me a reason for why I should hate Discordians and Discord. She just said I should. She pretty much told me to stay away from your grandfather as well. All she said was that he was a crazy old stallion with some dangerous ideas. I guess your grandfather thought the same about her, huh.
Being told that and seeing Second Hand as my only confirmed other example of a Discordian, can you really blame me for accepting what she told me?
I don’t think you’re a monster. I don’t think anypony is a monster.
I… I almost believed, for a moment, that Discord wasn’t a monster either. Maybe I should believe that again. I asked him if he had ever loved before. His response didn’t tell me he was a monster. Having fear struck into me, that did, but… Thinking back on it, it seems like he was trying to help me the whole time. He even outright said he’d leave as soon as I sorted out my issues with Mr. Librarian.
… I’m going to think inwardly for a bit. Just don’t let me drift off, okay?
Okay, this way. I’m not actually sure where we’re going, but it’ll be worth it when we get there.
Grandfather actually has a lot of admiration for your mother, he said she’s a crazy old mare with a lot of dangerous ideas and a mean set of back hooves on her, and how always enjoys their exchanges.
I think that some ponies are monsters sometimes, Seha certainly picks on everypony a lot, but she’s never happy no matter how much she tries to put others down. Grandfather says she’ll learn eventually, once she lets go of all that silly pride. Until then I’m supposed to be patient. Besides, she’s got such a lovely daughter so she can’t be all bad right?
Discord isn’t a creature you can think about in any particular way. A wistful sentimentalist one day might be a shameless performer the next, or even a ruthless torturer. The thing to remember is that you’re getting what you need, not what you want, and sometimes what somepony needs is a good hard kick up the flank. He’s the scariest thing in Equestria really, remember what I said about all the different things chaos is? There’s good and bad to everything: chaos, the sun and moon, even love. Discord is what he is, and what you get is going to be something very interesting and will probably make you want to run and hide. It’s fun though, whatever else there is about him there’s always a lot of fun, if you look at it in the right sort of a way, and always always an opportunity. That’s the one thing Grandfather told me for free, there’s always an opportunity around if you’re ready to take it.
I’m glad your grandfather sees some good in their… exchanges, how you put it. Mam always seemed very bitter after she’d come back home from an argument. Took a strong tea to calm her nerves again. Pap’s specialty in fact.
Seha… can be monstrous, I guess. I’ve never really paid much mind to it, I just dismissed it as immaturity. You know, the whole issue with her mam, and being raised in a Celestian community, it must’ve made it hard for her to grow. … I guess we really didn’t help, did we… how can I be sure it’s not my fault Seha is, well, the way she is? What if she goes after Mr. Librarian to get to me? Because of the way me and my family treated her?
But I guess there isn’t really anything I can do about that, not now. Maybe another day, or perhaps it’s just a matter of time. At least Pearl seems to be turning out better than her mam. Silly little filly probably still thinks I’m getting married - she assumed that there was planning going on when she walked in on what seemed to be a female… aspect?… of Discord… maybe just Discord as a girl, I dunno… restoring me from my trance. I’m still confused about that. She seemed a lot more sympathetic and kindly, almost a different person. It certainly supports what you say about Discord…
Suppose I can’t really assume one distinct trait about chaos. Not even gender.
Well, you can always assume, just as long as you know that’s what you’re doing and don’t build your castle on sand. So to speak.
Pearl I think knows more than any of us sometimes, she’s very special. She’s the only one I can trust to know for sure I’m not becoming a monster myself. Seha is most likely going to do anything she can to get back at you, I’m sure, and I can’t say whose fault it really is since I wasn’t even born then, but Mr Librarian can look after himself, you know that.
Anyway, you are getting married to him. Everyone knows it, it’s just a matter of when, and how. You and Mr Librarian cause each other too much trouble for you not to be together, and if Pearl said so then I’m even more sure of it.
Okay, here we are, this is the place. I think we must be early or something. Don’t worry about not understanding chaos, that’s how it should be. The moment you think you do understand chaos, whether you actually do or not, you’ve gone completely insane for sure.
Then again maybe you already are crazy. The things you go through with Mr Librarian, I hardly understand most of it. Crazy can be good too, you both seem to enjoy it in some way. I guess this is something I’ll understand when I’m- oooooo, that’s pretty!
That’s a bit of a claim to make, marriage is a big thing and all. And, well, things don’t always work out like that either. I don’t know. It’s not something I really… want to… think…
(( Guys I am SO sorry for the inactivity. >n< There is really no excuse for it, but I guess if I had one, it would be that I have kinda felt out of the groove pony-wise. I still plan on updating the blog, the current story-arc is likely far from over despite the last post (xD) and, well, I still got a lot of questions for Faith to answer.
I just hope you guys haven’t lost faith in Faith and stuff I guess. Though I’d carry on regardless, because fuck I love ponies >u<
Aha I’m so lazy, I was originally going to do this in some big comic thing but… well, Librarianmod’s writing is too good for me to murder like that ;n; uguu. This is one of the reasons this ask took so long to answer, I procrastinated because I was scared of butchering it.
So um, have some cute to make up for my failings? <3 aha. Your move Librarianmod? >=DDD
(( Okay, I really don’t like making OOC posts on here now that I have an OOC sideblog as well as a mod blog, but this needs to be heard here.
I am publically announcing that I am sick and tired of the crap that keeps getting fired at certain people in the Tumblrpon/pony ask blog community.
Love and tolerate does not mean I have to love and tolerate abuse thrown at people. And having been a victim of abuse for most of my life I am not going to stand for other people going through this.
I’m sure they’re not the only ones but they are the ones I have noticed tonight getting this crap flung at them: I happen to like Ficoon and Winterflake. They are doing something they love, and I love that they are doing that, and if you have a problem with that, you can tell them without being a total asshole about it and have a good goddamn reason for it, or you can shut up.
You guys, if you see this: you have all my hugs. Don’t listen to a damn thing these bitter jealous people tell you unless they can think of a nice way to say it. Criticism is not useful if it’s destructive, and threats and bullying are NEVER useful. Keep Calm and Pony On.